Our Day At The Track

Last Sunday Kayla and I decided to go for a ride. We headed down Rte. 96 and passed the racetrack. We have a friend who is pretty much a professional handicapper so we decided to stop and see if he was there, he was not. But on the way in we passed the paddock where the horses for the first race were. She commented that number 3 was a beautiful animal. I asked if she would like to place a wager since she liked his looks, she said sure. I like to bet exactas which is the first two horses in a race. So we be a $1.00 box of the 1,3, and 5 horses which cost $6.00, and since she liked his looks we put $2.00 to win. For a total wager of $8.00. Well the three and five came in in that order so we won the exacta and the bet to win. We hadn't looked at the odds so we didn't realize that they were the two long shots in the race, number 3 was 13 to 1, and number 5 was 9 to 1. The $8.00 wager paid $138.70. Kayla said she never made that much money in 10 minutes, we cashed our ticked and continued in our way. We sure never know what's in store for us do we?

Some fashion Notes

I've recently noticed something that I find very strange, and quite amusing, I see 6'10" tall young men that weigh about 97 pounds wearing pants that seem to have the waist around their knees being held up by a very tight belt with nine pair of plaid underwear poking out the top. While at the same time I see women that are about 4' tall and weigh in at about 700 pounds wearing pants that look like they were applied with a spray can. What am I missing?

Driving Distractions and What to do About it

I heard a while back about a fellow who invented a remote control device, that you used to turn off televisions in unwanted places' such as bars restaurants airports etc. I wish someone would come up with a similar gizmo that would work on cell phones . Turning them off would be nice but I think it would be cool if you had a few more options. Wouldn't it be great if the next time you were driving and there is someone more interested in gassing on the phone than paying attention to the road you could take out your remote, press a button and ZAP they get an electronic wake up call? Not too much mind you maybe just 120 volt like house current but no amps. We don't want to kill them merely give them an electric dope- slap.

Smoke m if you got em

Have you ever noticed that when people smoke while there driving they always seem to have a window open? Even in the coldest weather. What the hell is the point of that? You'd think with the price of cigarettes being about ten bucks a pack they would want to take full advantage of the closed enviornment of the automobile. What an awful waste to let all that good smoke escape out the window. After all if your gonna smoke lets really smoke. It would seem to be obvious that the car is one of the most efficent places to light up. If you kept it closed up really tight you could make one cigarette last for an hour or more. Just keep recirculating all that good smoke. You could hasten the onset of your lung cancer and save even more by dying sooner.
Maybe the auto manufacturers could design and market certain models just for smokers. They could even have a collaboration between the tobacco and the car companys. Perhaps Winston or R.J. Reynolds could help design more efficent cars just for smokers. The cigar companys won't want to be left out either how about an air-tite car with a system to capture and recirculate the smoke. The upholstery and carpeting would be asbestos, of course, lets really make this thing a rolling hazard.
What do you think a racy model called "The Chevy Cheroot" or more of a luxury model "The Pontiac Panatella" or perhaps a compact called " The Buick Blunt".
Maybe they could make these things so that when you expire the car could become your coffin, they could bury you in the thing. Or they could make it entirely out of flammable material, guess the asbestos is out on that model, and you could cremate yourself as you drive. Sort of a rolling human ashtray. kind of gives new meaning to the old phrase getting your ashes hauled.
It just seems to me that were missing a golden opportunity here.

Some Thoughts On The Dummies

The other day my wife and I were walking our dogs, and we saw an old clapped out motorcycle go by with a couple on board, the man who was driving was wearing a tuxedo and a helmet, the passanger, a woman wore a wedding dress and no helmet.
I noticed all the For Dummies books today at the local Barnes and Noble and the thought occured to me, that the Dummies press puts out a fine series of books on many useful subjects. Everything from Photoshop to Guitar to Juggling. You name it and Dummies has a book for it, or so it seems. NOT QUITE whatI think we really need are a series of Dummies books with lessons for life with titles like Marriage For Dummies, How Not To Get Pregnant For Dummies, How To Raise A Kid For Dummies. Think of it, the perfect wedding gift, the entire 10 volume set 1. Dating For Dummies, 2. Pre-Marital Sex For Dummies, 3. How To Get Married For Dummies, 4. Honeymooning For Dummies, 5. Setting Up House For Dummies, 6.How Not To Get Pregnant For Dummies, 7. How To Get Pregnant For Dummies 8. How To Raise a Kid For Dummies, 9. How To Have An Extra-Marital Affair For Dummies, 10. Divorce For Dummies, maybe they allready have that one. We could even have a Dummies book on how to dispose of the body when you finally shit the bed.
No home library would be complete without them. Kind of like a modern set of encyclopedias and farmers almanac rolled into one. And thats not all, the skys the limit. The list would be ever expanding, How To Do Hard Time For Dummies, you know with helpful tips on things like the best lubricants.
This has the potential to be the most profitibal series in the history of publishing, when you consider all the potential readers that qualify as DUMMIES. I wonder if the current and previous Presidents have ever read the How To Be Chief Executive For Dummies? They sure have the qualifications to be readers. Maybe we should have Voting For Dummies. Perhaps we would get better results. Seems to me there is an inexaustable supply os stupidity floating around this planet. It seems to have a half life like carbon 14. That is, stupid things that were done 1000 years ago are still effecting us today.
Lets get these books published. What we need are more Dummies Books and fewer Dummies.
This could go on for ever but it's late and I'm tired.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Names of The Cars We Love

Ok! Here we go again Chevrolet, General Motors Flagship, now I don't know who "Monsiour Chevrolet" was or is for that matter, although I guess he'd be about 137 years old if he were still alive. For some reason I'm assuming it's a man but hey you never know, my apologys if I'm wrong on that one. Come to thing of it maybe it's not even the name of a person. It could be a place or some body fluid or function for all I know. What I do know is the names that GM has come up with for there cars is all wrong. What a bunch of crap, in fact crap or crepe remember Chevrolet is French would be a better name. So who comes up with these names? Here's the names of some of the cars, Aveo what the hell is an Aveo some sort of bird? If so they should call it the Wazoo. Cavalier that ones ok. Cobalt they should change the name of that one to the Radium in honor of Madame Currie. Monte Carlo isn't too bad, at least its near by. But some of these others seem down right silly. The Equinox is one of their SUVs now I don't know about you but the only equinox I know is the Vernal and Autumnal perhaps a better name would be the Equine-ox that way you'd at least have horse power and towing power.
I always thought they should have the esCARgot. Thats all I can think of for now. But i'll be back with more soon.
Let me know if you have any ideas.
Regards.

What's in a Name?

At this time in our history when it seems like most of A.M. radio in this country is either devoted to right wing talk shows or sports,I was thinking that the names of our sports teams are outdated. Names like The Brewers,The Astros, The Rangers,The 49ers all reference an industry or occupation that was relevant to the city. While The Orioles, The Cardinals,The Blue Jays,The Rams, The Tigers all represented animal mascots some native to the area. Although I don't know how many tigers have been prowling the streets of Detroit lately. But in fairness I haven't been there for quite sometime so I can't say for sure. Even The Maple Leaf is the beloved symbol for an entire nation.
Wouldn't it be more appropriate if we changed the names of our sports teams to be more in tune with the current behavior and attitudes of the fans, players, and owners? I think names like The Polluters, The Defense Contractors,The Loan Sharks The Slum Lords are much more in keeping with today's times. And lets not forget to represent the players interests here too how about The Murderers, The Rapists, The Wife Beaters,The Child Deserters.We could keep the Raiders just add "corporate". How about the New York Steroidians versus The Miami Impregantors in the next Super Bowl?
The idea of strikes or lock outs in sports,makes me sick. With the millionaire players and the billionaire owners fighting over the money. While it's becoming impossible for average working people with families to afford to attend big league games.
I hope I haven't offended any loan sharks or slum lords. Thanks for listening, and keep smiling.